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The ratio of women to men mentioned in the bible sometimes annoys me. I mean, I get it. I do. The Jewish tradition is very male-centered, and historically, women were "not important" blah blah blah. But sometimes, as a woman, I like to see myself in the bible stories. I don't want to have to imagine what it was like to be a fisherman or a king or a shepherd. None of those people would have been women, and while, yes, I have an excellent imagination and am used to seeing myself as the male in the story, there can be a disconnect at times.
I am grateful that God inspired the authors of the bible to include women's stories, though I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish there were more. The ones that are included, however, allow for women of all ages and life experiences to connect and grow deeper in their faith.
A few months ago, my women's prayer group decided to study the women of the bible, and it has been so impactful on me that I decided to start a posting series of my reflections after reading each woman's story. I'm sure there are many great women's devotional bibles, but I'd like to note that the one my group and I use is called Catholic Women's Devotional Bible. This bible highlights fifty-two stories of women - one for every week of the year! It gives you where they can be found in scripture as well as a devotional reading to delve deeper into their story and a prayerful reflection so you can pray with each woman. If you would like to follow along with my reflections, I would urge you to get a copy by clicking the link above or by visiting the My Favorite Things page of my blog. The bible's table of contents lays out the stories alphabetically which is how I'll be writing my posts. That means we start with Abigail.
Abigail's story can be found in 1 Samuel 25: 2-42
The first thing that struck me about Abigail was how relatable her story is even thousands of years later. She had to cover her husband's butt! He screwed up, and she had to use her quick wit and generosity to appease King David. You can't get much more relevant than that, am I right?! Okay so, maybe we don't have kings coming after our husbands to wage war because they were ignorant, but we can all understand the concept of smoothing things over due to someone's mistake. As women, we are constantly doing that - for our husbands, for our kids. We are the mediators always.
I know for me that role can be exhausting. I work hard to make sure everyone else is happy and conflict-free, and sometimes, I can get resentful. You could argue a thousand ways how society has placed women in this role, which I agree with to a point, but it's also just my personality. I'm a peacemaker. I often create the exhaustion for myself and wind up resentful of people who didn't necessarily ask me to butt in.
But I learned something from Abigail. She, too, was not asked to go speak on her husband's behalf, to smooth things over, but she did it out of necessity. David was going to kill all of her husband's men which would have left Abigail destitute. So, she put on her thinking cap and saved herself (and the men), but she did it humbly. She went to David, laden with food as a peace offering, and asked him to spare her husband, who, by the way, was not a nice man. He was mean and it was suggested that he abused her, but Abigail put all of that aside and pleaded for his life. She reminded David, humbly, that taking a life out of vengeance was not a decision he should make but was for the Lord alone to decide. She asked David to forgive her husband's folly and to take her peace offering without shedding any blood.
The Lord spoke through Abigail to David, and his eyes were opened. He did not seek vengeance but instead praised Abigail for her gentle reminder.
Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, who sent you to meet me today! Blessed be your good sense, and blessed be you, who have kept me today from bloodguilt and from avenging myself by my own hand!
Now, you may be saying, "But Abigail had to meet David because if not, she would have been destitute without a husband so her actions were self-serving." While it's probable that she reached that conclusion herself, she never once mentions herself or her endangered position when she's speaking to David. She actually takes the blame upon herself (don't we all?) and humbles herself before him. "Upon me alone, my lord, be the guilt; please let your servant speak in your ears, and hear the words of your servant." She allowed God to give her the words that would make David listen. It was due to her faith that she was saved, not because she was worried about her own well-being.
On top of that, she went back to her husband and resumed normal life. There was no account of her resentment toward him for "making her pack up a bunch of food on a caravan and plead to the king for his life." He was having a drunken party when she returned so she went to bed and told him about the convo with David in the morning. That was probably my biggest takeaway from her story. She smoothed things over with faith and humility. She turned it all over to God, knowing that he would take care of things. And while, in actuality, it was her husband's actions that lead her to pursue David, she didn't blame him. Instead, she looked to God for the answer, and she was rewarded.
The story ends with God taking her husband's life as David had wanted to do. She was now free of a troubled marriage but also destitute. Once David heard of this, he took Abigail for his wife, and she finally got to live in luxury with a good and faith-filled man. Cue the Disney music!
The prayer my bible offers at the end of this reflection was another big eye-opener for me. It suggested that I make a commitment to daily prayer for my husband and then gave me the words to pray. I was a little embarrassed that I wasn't already doing this. Granted, my prayer life is a work-in-progress, and I often forget to pray in general. But it really struck me at that moment how important it is to pray for my husband. I mean, that's a concept that should make sense to any Catholic woman worth her salt, but reading Abigail's story really put it into perspective.
Even if our husbands are getting on our nerves, even if they make mistakes, we should pray for them every day, we should be the peacemakers...without resentment. The last line of the suggested prayer from my bible reads this way: "Let nothing and no one, including myself, hinder your work." That, I think, is the most important part of the prayer. We shouldn't pray for God to change our husbands but for Him to work in our husbands in order for our husbands to be who God wills them to be.
As Tammy Wynette said, "Stand by your man." Pray for him every day. Be like Abigail: humble, generous, faithful, and an unresentful peacemaker.
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